Numerous Days in May

Minus birding, minus just going outside (too hot), minus a post of palindromes (too hot to hoot), what’s left?

How about an incomplete list of the holidays I missed noting this month: Martin Z. Mollusk Day in Ocean City, NJ (1); Lumpy Rug Day (3); Respect for Chickens Day (4); Totally Chipotle Day (5); No Pants Day (7); No Socks Day (8); Limerick Day (12); Root Canal Appreciation Day (13); Mike the Headless Chicken Day (14-15); May Ray Day (19); Eliza Doolittle Day (left) (20); and Towel Day (25), in honor of author Douglas Adams.

To make up for my oversight, I will choose three days to belatedly observe. I had a chicken salad sandwich (or a “chick sal sand,” as the waitress in “Five Easy Pieces” called it) for lunch, so that either embodies or rules out Respect for Chickens Day. Call it a wash.

I haven’t been wearing socks all day, so put me down for No Socks Day.

And I can’t very well pass up Limerick Day. Here are three lime rickeys:

Forcing a rhyme in a limerick
Can be cute, but it’s mainly a gimmerick.
One should practice restraint
Or it might leave a taint,
Like a dish overseasoned with turmeric.

* *

A citrus fruit high on a shelf
Rhymed with no one except for himself.
He was one lonely orange.
Then he thought, “Orange-schmorange!”
And went on a date with an apple.

* *

The writer would like to suggest
that you stop now and then for a rest.
Too much aabba can cause a
Slight feeling of nausea.
So pause: a nice walk might be best.

*

As for Towel Day, I did use one today, and I also reread a few chapters from Norman Corwin’s Dog in the Sky, which Douglas Adams surely would have appreciated as a forerunner to A Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. Since I don’t have any Adams lying around, here are some excerpts from a favorite section of Dog in the Sky. It’s Runyon’s encounter with a cosmetics salesman on the Dipper Clipper, en route to the Division of Time:

“Between the cosmic and the cosmetic there is a thing,” he said, pleased with what he thought was an epigram….

He then started a procession of perfume sensations going under Runyon’s nose. “This,” he said, “is OPENING MOVE and this one is called MANTRAP. We expect both of them to sell well throughout Camelopardalis, because they are made from the bile of camels and leopards. Local pride, you know.”…

When he had exhausted his perfumes, he told Runyon about the invincible line of lipsticks which he carried, and he recited the names as he would a catechism: “Rising Moon, Wet Maroon, Ruby Ink, Parlor Pink, Country Maid, Scarlet Shade, Cupid’s Bow, Virgin’s Glow, Slightly Kissed, Amethyst, Bloodshed, Seeing Red, Rose Petal, and Hot Metal.”

Runyon looked out the window at the bright blue galaxies burning beyond the black Coal Sack of Magellan, and he found that by concentrating on the great lights yonder, he could make the voice of the salesman seem farther and farther away.

* *

In case I forget, tomorrow is Cellophane Tape Day, Friday is Slugs Return from Capistrano Day, and Sunday is Hug Your Cat Day. Among other abundant excuses for celebration.